The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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