Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
