I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
