we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
