how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
