we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
