She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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