we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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