I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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