And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
