I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
