don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
