the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
