My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
