I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
