3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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