Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I checked into jail on foursquare
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
