girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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