TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
