Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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