man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
