No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
