just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
