FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
