2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
