He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
