It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
