Duck Duck Cougar?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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