I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
