Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize