i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
