and my herpes radar will keep us safe
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
