Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
where are my eyebrows?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
