So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
