just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
