Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
