She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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