Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
