I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
