9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
