Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
