If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize