I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
