hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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