Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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