Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
