I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
