Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
