I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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