well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
