Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
