that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
