I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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