thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
