You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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