Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FUCK WHALES
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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