Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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