I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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