3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
