Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
