I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
