Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
