this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
