okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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