Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize