Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
