but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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