Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
