Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
